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Oct. 15th, 2009


So depressing...

And I don't really know why. I just dropped off some things of Genaro's at his house and I wasn't expecting his mom and sister to be outside. The break up is still really hard for me, even though its been a year, because I sincerly miss his family. It was really hard seeing them again that I just had to get out of there cause I was afraid of breaking down infront of them. And what sucks the most is that I can't get flashbacks of when him and I were together and it sucks. Ugh why can't I get him out of my head?

Oct. 10th, 2009


I wish I wrote on this more...

This year has gone by so fast and its weird to think about how much things have changed in my life and how I've changed as a person. Different jobs, different friends, different surroundings. I feel like the year just started instead of it almost ending. I'm actually pretty happy with the people who are in my life right now. I just wish my health was better but I know it will get there. I just have to be optimistic. I feel like there is so much on my mind right now and my mind is constantly racing, I just don't know how to put an end to all of it. And I ask myself, Where do I begin? Where do I end? How can I keep these images to a minimum? Is it honestly to much to ask to be happy? And I know for a fact that I haven't been this happy in FOREVER. Yeah so the guy is a bit older and there's flaws about me that he probably won't accept but that's a chance that I'm willing to take. Not to mention that I haven't felt this way about a guy since...Genaro. Strange. I just want to spend all my time with him and talk to him every chance I get which I know, I sound like a crazy girl. It's funny, he's not the typical guy that I would normally go for. He's geniunely a nice guy which is so rare to find and sometimes hard to keep. And it's so refreshing to be myself instead of acting the way I think he wants me to act. I need to stop rambling. I'm trying to relax but I just can't find calm place. Ugh I'm over restless nights.

Mar. 19th, 2009


I'm Back

I never use this thing unless it to check up on my friends that I rarely see or hear from and I swear some of them are either depressed or angry. Why is that? I just wanna let everyone know that I'm here for you guys and you can always come to me. Just keep your head up, things will get better.

To Cole: Are there trust issues you're having? Call me asap. My cell number is :805-765-5718 so you better call me. Love you!

To Lauren: Where have you been? Oh thats right not hanging out with me. You can reach me at the number above lol :]

I really wanna go to Disneyland...I have a pass I just need someone to go with. I'm bored today and I dont work until tomorrow. Yay for doing nothing today.

Apr. 6th, 2008


i could just die right now...

i went to a show last night where a fight broke out and the two guys decided to fight on my car also causing a dent and scratches. im supposed to be excited about disneyland tomorrow and i dont know if i could do that cause now i have no money for disneyland. would you go if you didn't have money? i know my mom wont pay for me. no one will and i can't expect them too. all i'm gonna hear is how irresponsible i am. i seriously dont need it right now. ugh i've been crying all day. this sucks so much.

May. 2nd, 2007


(no subject)

so leaving in 11 days for hawaii is seriously gonna kick ass. my mom got the tickets today and when i looked at them it still doesn't hit me that we're going. its like unreal. i can't tell you how excited i am. for example, there's horseback riding at the hotel and its only $50 for a 40-45 minute ride. thats not a rip off is it? i don' think it is. i just wanna be there already so i can just relax. i'm just so happy i get to go away for a little bit.

Mar. 8th, 2007


(no subject)

        So i'm pretty excited because i'm going to Maui/Oahu with my friend Brittni. 
It's not a for sure thing if she's going or not because i want to bring my wonderful boyfriend 
of 2 1/2 years, Genaro, but my mom doesn't want us traveling together and what not (which i think
is kinda lame cause we've been together for so long) but he may not be able to take work off which
sucks. But what is really exciting is that the airline ticket is free, the hotel in Oahu called the Turtle Bay 
Resort is gonna be free for the three nights we're there, then we're flying to Maui and staying at the Royal
Laihana and thats free, but the last hotel we are gonna have to pay for which is pretty bad ass since that, 
food, and the rental car is all we're gonna have to pay for! We're leaving in May so i have time to get bathing
suit worthy. This is gonna be the best trip ever!

Turtle Bay Resort- Is absolutely beautiful and the hotel offers so many activities including horse
backriding. That hotel is gonna start our trip off so nicely.

The Royal Lahiana- Is the hotel where we're just going to relax and go their famous luau's. Mmm..food!

I'm so super excited for this trip and I can't wait to leave and get away for a little while.

Jan. 29th, 2007


the world ends...

and all of a sudden it restarts itself...

dear mom #2, 
you mean so much and had faith in me.
its hard to know that you're gone and 
but your soul still lives.
the memories of you still live on and 
we will never forget you.
we wish you were still here so that you
could say, "everythings okay" but
it's not okay anymore. this time 
we have to cry. if only i had been
able to say goodbye. we know
that you're an angel that went to
be with God. we will meet 
again someday.
we're just happy you're no longer in
pain. we love you.
love, your family.

July 19, 1952-January 1, 2007

Oct. 21st, 2006


so Hollywood Horror Nights...

It was so fun. i screamed alot  so now i keep coughing. but seriously everyone should go. 


Sep. 6th, 2006


super excited

so i'm so excited because i might go on a royal caribbean cruise!!
how exciting is that? my mom's being dumb and 
complaining how its too close to christmas
because if we do go we'll leave the 16th 
and come back the 23rd.
thats not that bad right? we'll get back before christmas and be 
able to spend time with our family. it'll suck
if we don't go because i would be
able to go horse back-riding 
in jamaca on the
white sandy beaches. who would seriously want to give that
up. ahh i hope i go. that would be so fun.


Jul. 30th, 2006


(no subject)

so i just ate a ton of delicious pinapple and my 
tounge feels like sand paper just went
completely across it. 
i've been so much better since the last time 
i wrote in this. i was just depressed 
and didn't know what
to do. 
i've actually been happier than i've ever 
have been. i really do love my 
i just get depressed very easily. but these 
updates are pointless and not
a lot of people care
so i'm finished writing in here as of now
and i'm contemplating on
deleting. should i
delete or no?

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